


Bleeding on Beds of Flowers

by Tsukuyomi_chan



Category: Cardfight!! Vanguard
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Crying, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, featuring Naoki and Shingo for a gay 2 minutes, pining Luna, spoilers for entire arc, this is just luna being sad and learning that she deserves happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2018-10-02 21:30:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10227890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukuyomi_chan/pseuds/Tsukuyomi_chan
Summary: The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love.  The disease can only go away if the love becomes requited, or if the plant is removed through surgery, but the feelings and memories of the love disappear along with the petals.Luna thinks to herself that she had never really started living until she met Am.  It then felt appropriate that she would die once she left Am.  Luna’s downward spiral of self-discovery as she considers love and all its consequences.





	1. Take One Step Outwards (See What Happens)

**Author's Note:**

> So I accidentally got into reading some hanahaki fics and I just really wanted to write this. It's about time I got off my butt and wrote some Rummy Labyrinth.
> 
> This was originally gonna be a one shot but then it got really really long, so now it's in chapters.

_The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love.  The disease can only go away if the love becomes requited, or if the plant is removed through surgery, but the feelings and memories of the love disappear along with the petals._

 

* * *

 

It starts sometime during the first G-Quest, Luna suspects.  She had spent the whole morning getting nervous over whether she could perform well.  She spent the entire car ride to Magallanica with her hands shaking.  By the time they were at the stadium, Luna could barely hear, and has to be dragged to their dressing room by Am.

“I-I’m sorry…” Luna stammers out, but her vision swims as she watches the brightly lit tiles of the dressing room dance while wobbling.  “I-I’ll be f-fine… by showtime…”  She takes deep breathes, but all it does is stress her out more.  All this was doing was proving that Luna was incompetent and not suited for this job.

Am is the only other person in the room, but Luna barely pays attention to the other as she gets into her costume, putting it on backwards two times before finally getting it right.  Luna trips on nothing and has to grab the makeup desk to stop herself from plummeting to the floor pathetically.  She barely registers anything through her haze, and the next thing she knows, they’re alone backstage waiting on the platform to rise to take them up to the stage.  Luna feels like fainting.

“I can’t take this anymore!”  She faintly hears Am say.

And then Am’s hands smack Luna’s cheeks hard.

She blinks as her world comes into focus solely on Am, standing in front of her with her arms outstretched and hands still harshly holding onto the sides of her face.  “Do you remember our first routine?”  Am says.

“I-Introduce ourselves, go over rules, and then let the tournament happen while we perform.”  Luna recites.

“What are we doing during the song?”

“S-Side step, sing, rotate─”

“Exactly the same as what we’ve been doing in rehearsals up until now, right?”

“R-Right.”

“Are you afraid of the crowd?”

Luna can feel her heartbeat rising into her throat again, and she gives a small nod from between Am’s hands.

“I am too.”  Am says, and Luna’s eyes widen.  “But more than anything, I’m excited.  I’m excited to share with them the hard work that I’ve put in to make them smile, and I can’t wait to see how everyone will be.  Because I’m the whimsical dreaming butterfly, Chouno Am.  And who are you?”

“With the moonlight as my magic, I’m Yumizuki Luna.”

“And who are we?”

“We’re Rummy Labyrinth.” 

Am nods, letting go of Luna’s cheeks.  “Exactly.  The both of us together are Rummy Labyrinth.  And I’m going to be beside you the entire time.”

Luna wants to respond, to say something, but the platform rumbles and they get a warning from their headpieces that it’s starting, so she settles for just nodding back.  Her hand’s still shake, but Am’s words ring in her head and her cheeks still sting and she feels slightly better.

Luna lets her body go onto autopilot, the exact same as rehearsal.  She stumbles over one word, but it’s covered up easily.  She misses one dance step, but Am easily fills in and makes it look natural.  And in the end, the audience screams and cheers for them all the same. 

Everything goes fine in the end, to the point where it almost feels like a dream once the car pulls up in front of her and Am’s apartment, and she stands at the doorway to bid Am goodnight.

Am has a certain sort of brilliant business smile, masterfully crafted and perfectly shaped like a sculpture, but also cold and frozen in time like one.  Luna’s seen in multiple times per day ever since she started working with the other girl.  It made Am popular and well received, but it never seemed to reach her eyes, and no one else ever commented on it so neither did Luna.

“Good job today, Luna.”  Am says, and for once it’s not her business smile, but a genuine smile that splits across her face and makes her eyes crinkle and Luna’s chest is all the sudden unnecessarily warm and she thinks she just wants to look at that smile forever.  “I knew you could do it.”

Luna thinks its maybe because she had so much to eat at dinner, or maybe she’s just giddy because the performances went well, but her chest feels tight and she stumbles over her own feet as she gets ready for bed.  Her cheeks feel warm, as if it was still that morning where Am had hit them and held them to get her to focus, and Am’s hands had been warm.

Am praised her today.  Luna smiles and laughs and then her chest feels too tight and she coughs.

A tiny red petal floats gently into her palm. 

 

* * *

 

The second G-Quest is a frantic blur for Luna.  She and Am had spent the week planning for it, but on the dress rehearsal day at Dragon Empire, she kept messing up.  The reappearance of Team Try3 cheers her up slightly, and it only makes her more determined to do well, even with the strange cough she had been developing.

For the last week, she had been occasionally coughing up red petals.  At first Luna thought it was because the wind was blowing them into her apartment, but they kept showing up even after she closed all of the windows.  That coupled with how she seemed to be coughing them up just confused her further.  It wasn’t too bad, and she was able to hide every petal that occasionally slipped out of her mouth when she was with Am so far.

Coughing up the petals made Luna notice just how much she watches Am on a regular basis.  She’s always watching the girl choreograph new moves for routines, talk and negotiate with others how to set up the special effects, and Am just makes it seem so simple to have everything work just the way she wanted it to.  Compared to Luna, who tripped over her own feet whenever she ran, Am was basically a god.  It became a habit for Luna to just watch Am work, smile, and then for Luna to cough up another petal and hide it in her back pocket before anyone saw.

And so it becomes relatively simple for Luna to notice the kinds of things that Am has influenced or touched.  Their routines always have a signature flare.  The songs all have a similar style.  The atmosphere of Rummy Labyrinth stays together with Am.  And Luna doesn’t miss the way Am always has a backpack full of stuff for what she assumes is other work for the Vanguard Association that she’s been tasked with.

And it’s exceedingly simple for Luna, on her break from getting things ready for the G-Quest, to recognize the mitten charm that’s been attached to Am’s backpack for the last month in a trash bag being wheeled away and not being able to do a single thing about it.

Luna’s throat feels so clogged up, she wants to cry.

Tokoha and her teammates come over, and Luna tells them as best as she can, and Tokoha helps by telling her where all the trash ends up.  Luna runs as fast as she can, with the other three following.

The trash heap is huge, and every plastic bag looks the same.  Luna remembers the workers at the beginning telling them about the litter on the ground, but didn’t expect this much.  It’s hard to breathe and she coughs, looking at the petals that spilt into her palm before scrunching them up in a fist.

No, she’s not going to cry.  She’s going to do something about this.

Luna rips open bag after bag, sifting through litter and trash, and she’s glad that Try3 is here helping because she feels braver now, and she wants to prove that she herself is capable of something.  She wanted to at least prove to Am that she wasn’t completely useless on her own.

Luna bends over and goes into a coughing fit.  She coughs and coughs and her throat burns as more and more petals spill out, so many that her hands can’t hide it anymore, and she sees Tokoha’s horrified face when the petals all tumble to the ground, sees Chrono and Shion stop their search to try and help her, and she yells at them “I’m fine!” to try and get them to go back to searching, and coughs again, red petals contrasting with the green grass under her knees.

She feels Tokoha’s hand gently rubbing her back as her coughing subsides, and the girl hands her a handkerchief.  Luna’s glad, and she wipes away stray petals at the edge of her mouth.

“Are you o─ow!” Chrono starts, but Shion slaps the back of his head and glares at him.

“Your rehearsal’s going to start any minute.  You should go and let us keep searching.”  Tokoha says, accepting the handkerchief back.  Luna shakes her head and stands up again.

“I’m not leaving until I find it.”  She says, and goes back to searching.  She searches and searches and she’s sure that she’s late now and Am’s going to be disappointed but if Luna doesn’t find the mitten then Am’s going to be sad, and Luna would rather Am be disappointed at her than be sad all the time.  Luna can handle disappointment by this point, but Am doesn’t deserve to be sad after how hard she works.

Luna’s hand brushes the mitten and she cheers, coughing up another petal in the process as she pulls it out and shows the others, and then they rush back to the stage.

Elation fills her heart.  She’s done something good for Am.

“Am!”  Luna yells as she sees the girl near the stage. 

“Where were you?”  Am demands, and it makes Luna flinch.  Am is disappointed and harsh, to the point of it being discouraging, and Luna can feel the hopes inside her being squashed down.

But she holds out the mitten for Am anyways.

Luna’s never seen an expression like that on Am before, staring down at the now-found mitten.  Bewildered, puzzled, confused, something out of Am’s calculations and careful planning.  Luna wonders if Am figured it was better to have lost the mitten forever.  She wonders what Am thinks of her now, someone who wasted time to search for useless trinkets.

Am surges forwards, and Luna’s suddenly hugged tight and all she can do is let out a squeal because Am is warm and trembling and her arms are strong around her.  “This is really precious to me!  Thank you!”  Am shouts, muffled into her shoulder, and her blue hair tickles Luna’s throat and her jacket’s soft and Luna never even dreamt that she’d get this close to Am before.  “Thank you, Luna!  Thank you!”  And Am is warmer than Luna ever imagined.

She feels more petals rising in her throat, and forces herself to swallow them down as she embraces Am back.  “If you’re happy, then I’m happy too, Am.” 

The warmth of their hug is way more important to Luna than any discomfort in her throat. 

 

* * *

 

That night, Luna drops her toothbrush into the sink as she bends over and retches on the ground, her chest heaving and throat burning, and more petals fall out of her mouth as she struggles to breathe.  When it finally dies down and she can somewhat breathe normally again, Luna begins scooping up the petals to put in the wastebasket when something catches her eye.

All the things that had fallen out of her so far were just petals, but Luna scooped up the complete flower that had fallen out this time in both hands, soft and beautiful.

It’s a red carnation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already have the entire thing written, so I'll post the next part whenever I remember. Seriously though remind me to post the next chapter.


	2. Feelings So Deep You Could Drown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna gets through G-Quests 3 and 4 with relative difficulty. Featuring Naoki and Shingo for a gay two minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers up to fourth G-Quest.
> 
> You know how this fic has the tag 'crying'. Yeah I'm not exaggerating.

_[you were coughing up flowers at the draem event]_

_[it looked like hanahaki disease]_

_[luna]_

_[go to a doctor]_

Tokoha’s texts are the reason why Luna’s currently sitting in Enishi’s office, shifting her hands awkwardly as Enishi looks over the report from the Vanguard Association doctor. “So, I’m sick… with Hanahaki Disease apparently…  It started up maybe a month ago.  I’m not sure what to do…”  Luna says nervously.

Enishi puts the papers back down on the desk and studies her.  “This is a bad time, in the middle of the G-Quest grand even too.  Do you want to go on medical leave for the rest of the G-Quests?”

“No!”  Luna shouts all too sudden, then feels awkward afterwards. If she quit, she’d just be proving everyone that she was incompetent and not suited for the job.  She would let down Am too much if she quit now because of a little coughing.

“This isn’t a nice sickness, and being an idol isn’t easy work, as you should know by now.  I understand if you want to take some time off to heal.  Something like this would definitely affect your performance onstage.”

“I can get through it.”

“It’s just light coughing for now, but the flowers are going to keep growing to the point where you can barely breathe, and they’ll be absorbing nutrients from you the entire time, so you’ll be even more tired than usual.”

“I can keep going.” Luna says with conviction.

Enishi stares back, but after a month Luna’s no longer intimidated by how emotionless her manager usually is.  “This may be a personal question, but what kind of flowers are they?”

Luna blinks in confusion at the question.  “Red carnations.”  She answers.

“Red carnations…”  Enishi repeats, and sighs.  “The cause for Hanahaki Disease is unrequited love.  And on top of that, red carnations mean admiration.”

Unrequited love, admiration, the conclusion dawns on Luna, and she’s sure Enishi already knew who it was, probably long before she even realized.

“Of course, if you want to stay until the end of G-Quests, I won’t stop you.  In fact, it would be easier if you did stay.  But you can get surgery for it.”  Enishi says, his finger tapping the papers on his desk.  “They can cut the plant out, and you’ll be completely healed.  The only side effect is that it removes all your feelings and memories of the person as well.  I recommend waiting until the G-Quests are over and then to get the surgery, so that you can return to a normal life easily.”

Luna feels like the office suddenly got cold.  “Huh?”

“Rummy Labyrinth was planned to continue onwards for future events, but it’s also fine if it disbands at the end before anything else is planned.  Your contract ends at the end of the G-Quests, so it’s of no consequence if you retire due to health issues.  It’s a perfect time for you to transition back to your life before this arrangement, since…”

She wouldn’t remember anything.

Every single one of Luna’s memories of the G-Quests are linked to Am.  So if she went through the surgery, she wouldn’t remember anything that happened from the very start of getting the role in Rummy Labyrinth to the ending of the last finishing tournament.

“E-everything?”  Luna repeats, feeling dumb, but more than anything she hopes Enishi is wrong.  “I’d forget everything?”

“The other solution is for Chouno Am to love you back.”

Luna feels her mouth go dry, as if she’s about to start coughing again, but somehow the thought of losing all this and going back to her mundane life is scarier than any plant growing inside her.  But it’s impossible for someone like Chouno Am to fall in love with someone like Yumizuki Luna.  She could spend hours thinking about it and come to the same conclusion in the end.

“I admire your conviction to stay until the end of the G-Quests, and I hope for you to keep that up. Don’t be afraid to come back to me if your health gets worse, however.  We’ll think of something.  And Yumizuki Luna,” Enishi says, meeting her eyes this time with what Luna thinks is sympathy, “take some time and consider the surgery.  The success rates are high, and it’s long been perfected.  The memory loss is the only side effect.”  

Luna’s lower lip trembles, but she stands up, bows in thanks, and exits. 

 

* * *

 

Enishi gives her the third week of the G-Quests off anyways, so she goes off to the Zoo branch to participate instead, at a location where Am isn’t anywhere near.  Luna accidentally enters the G-Quest on a team with Ishida Naoki and Komoi Shingo, two people who she could only remember seeing in Vanguard Monthly and at a distance at the Dragon Empire G-Quest. They’re both nice people, and confident fighters, but also loud.  Very loud.

Luna also finds Tokoha, who also seems happy to see her as well.  Before the G-Quest begins, they’re off to a side from their teams just catching up happily.  

“So, did you talk to a doctor?”  Tokoha asks, her voice more hushed than before.  Luna nods hesitantly.  “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to try my best to keep up my work until the end of the G-Quests.”  

“And after that?”

Luna had never thought about her future much before, but recently that was all others were talking about.  “I don’t know…”  She mumbles.

Tokoha is kind though, and Luna is glad.  “You’re a strong girl, hang in there.”  She says, and they head back to their teams as the G-Quest starts.

It turns out the theme is cooking.  Luna’s cooking experience consists of cooking instant ramen and cutting sandwiches from the cornerstore in half.  Naoki and Shingo’s aren’t much better.  But they set out with determination anyways.  Luna gets paired up with Shingo, and they start a casual conversation as they fight off the Megacolony ants.

“Idol troubles?” Shingo asks as the subject comes up to Luna’s current life.

“I don’t think it’s restricted just to idols.”  Luna says.

“Ah, young love!” Shingo exclaims, the sudden outburst scaring her slightly.  “That’s nothing to be ashamed of!”  Luna’s face goes red, and Shingo laughs.  “I hit the nail, didn’t I!  Love troubles!”

The Megacolony worker that Shingo’s fighting just looks confused, and Shingo gives the finishing blow while Luna scoops up the ingredient and they both run.

They don’t pass the first round though, and out of stubborn determination, Shingo eats their stew and is sent to the first-aid room.  Luna sits in the stands with Naoki as Tokoha fights the overseas cardfighter, Chris. She cheers for Tokoha, but that doesn’t change how sad she is that they didn’t make it to the next round.

“So,” Naoki starts. “I heard from Shingo that you’re experiencing love troubles?”

Luna’s face flushes red and she waves her hands wildly while backing away from the laughing man. “It’s natural at your age, have fun!”

“Yeah, but…” Luna trails off, and she thinks of Am, who was basically and adult already and herself who still fumbled over counting correct change at the supermarket.  And then she starts coughing again, and even in the dark she knows that Naoki can see the petals that just flew out of her mouth.

“That serious, huh.” Naoki says, softer this time, and Luna doesn’t look at his face.  All she seemed to be getting lately was looks of sympathy from others.  “You’re young.  Did you know it’s common for kids your age to heal naturally?  It’s an unsteady time of life, and if the feelings fade so do the flowers.”

Luna pauses at hearing those words.  Enishi didn’t mention that.  She and Am were both still thirteen after all, and she had no experience in love, and she had been spending a lot of time with Am lately.  Red carnations meant admiration too.  It was possible that Luna was just getting in over her head.

Memories of Am’s teary voice, her trembling figure, and the hug flash through Luna’s mind, memories so heavy she’d never be able to let go of them with good conscious, and her chest feels warm and tight as she coughs up two whole carnations, letting them fall to the ground instead of trying to catch them.  “I wish it was that easy, Naoki-san.”  Luna says.  Somehow, she knows that isn’t the case.

They watch Tokoha clinch victory, surrounding Chris’s vanguard in a swarm of flowers petals not so different from the ones Luna coughs up, and Luna wonders if it’s not a bad way to go, surrounded by something so pretty.

Luna and Naoki go to check on Shingo once the G-Quest ends, who’s lying on a bed in the first-aid room with an arm draped over his forehead dramatically.  “You kept me waiting, Stupid Ishida.  And here I thought I was going to pass on alone!”  He opens one eye.  “Ah, Luna-chan, you’re here too.  Did you enjoy the last fights?”

Luna nods as Naoki goes over to the bed and rubs a finger into the middle of Shingo’s forehead. “What was that, Four-Eyes?  Who’s the one who put in the suspicious purple berries?”

“Ah, it hurts!  And besides, you’re the one who just dumped the meat in whole without cutting it up!”  Shingo yells as he kicks the blankets and makes swipes at Naoki, who laughs back.  Naoki flicks Shingo’s forehead, who pouts and reaches up to flick Naoki’s back, but he grabs Shingo’s hand before it reaches and kisses the knuckle instead, making Shingo’s face go red as he begins kicking the blankets again.  Luna watches in amazement as two grown men roughhouse each other and laugh as if they were five.  

Once they seemed to settle down, Naoki inserted both of their contact info into Luna’s phone, and gave her a thumbs up.  “Good luck at the remaining G-Quests!”

“Love isn’t something bad, Luna-chan.”  Shingo says, also giving her a thumbs-up.  “We’re routing for you.”

 

* * *

 

She meets up with Tokoha and her friend, Okazaki Kumi, who’s a bit airy but a nice person, and they clean a bathhouse together.  It’s not something Luna ever thought she’d be doing in her life, but neither was becoming an idol.  Kumi warms up to her easily, and Luna’s glad she’s met another person who she can now call a friend.

That makes another person who she’s met with the help of Am.  Luna never had many friends, since she was awkward and mediocre in everything. But she had so much now that the thought of returning to the life she had before motivated her to work even harder in rehearsals and performances.  

Am was smiling at her more often too.  Hard work is the way to victory, Am would say, and so Luna kept working and practicing and rehearsing and practicing some more.  They had practice fights after work, and so Luna kept learning.  Am was patient, but also strict, and was a perfect teacher, and Luna just wanted to learn more from the other, spend more time watching Am shine in the spotlight.  Spending nights with Am made her heart soar and herself dizzy with happiness, so she had to keep working.

She didn’t want to lose this, Luna would think as her hands trembled on the bar of the dance studio in the middle of the night when there was no one else, and continued to rehearse the dance even as red carnations covered the floor.

“Love isn’t something bad…” Luna repeats to herself as she lies on the studio floor, surrounded by the flowers.  It’s two in the morning and Luna’s chest is tight but she finally feels like the routine is engraved into her body so she lets herself rest.  

It’s starting to get ridiculous, how much her heart jumps and soars when she sees Am, when she’s just around Am.  Words get stuck in her throat and her body gets tingly and warm and she’s afraid one wrong move will make everything spill out.  She thinks of how much lighter Am seems to be recently, and Luna’s messing up less in rehearsals despite the increased number of breaks she takes, and if this is what it takes for Am to be happy then Luna’s fine with it.  

Am doesn’t know.  Most of the people in charge have already been told by Enishi to allow her extra breaks if she’s ever feeling faint, but Am doesn’t know.  Luna doesn’t want Am to know.  She was a burden enough at the beginning of the G-Quests, she doesn’t want to put extra burden on Am now, not when they still had the remaining G-Quests to get through.  Am sees her as the awkward girl who was accidentally scouted to become her partner for Rummy Labyrinth, and as long as Luna can do her job, then Am is fine with her presence.  Even if things were looking up recently, she was, in the end, nothing more than an amateur partner for the other.  Am wasn’t dumb like her, she wouldn’t fall in love and die as a result of it.  

Luna remembers the night after the Dragon Empire rehearsal, with Am finally opening up to her, about how happy just being onstage made her.  She remembers Am’s quiet smile as she bit her goodnight, and Luna had never looked forwards to tomorrow until Am became a part of her life.  She didn’t want to lose that.  She didn’t want to lose the opportunity of that, the memory of that, she wanted to do so much more, so much that her chest hurt.  But she didn’t have the strength to hold onto that.

“Am deserves so much better than me…” Luna mumbles, rolling on her side as more flowers spill out.

 

* * *

 

By the fourth G-Quest, Luna can feel the stems of carnations clearly rooting inside her, and her breathing becomes restricted at all times.  It’s lucky that the Star Gate G-Quest doesn’t have much for them to do other than general fan events, but its two hours long with breaks every thirty minutes, and even thirty minutes is getting hard for Luna to go without coughing up a petal or two. To make up for speaking less than usual, Luna smiles every second that’s possible.  She isn’t going to fall behind and disappoint Am because of this.

Luna makes it to the end of the fan event before her vision goes fuzzy and her legs go weak.  She smiles again and tells Am to go ahead to rest without her, and then collapses to her knees in the hallway, hand trembling as carnations spill past her lips all over the floor.  She heaves and heaves, hugging her stomach and coughs until it resembles a broken bouquet on the ground.

“You can do this,” Luna coughs.  “You can do this, you can do this, you can do this!”  

There are two G-Quests left, and then the final tournament.  She can hold out that long.  She’s not going to crumble until it ends.  She doesn’t want to leave Am yet.

Luna gathers the flowers into a nearby trash can as best as she can, and hopes no one will wonder about the few tiny stray petals on the ground as she goes to join Am.  Her head still feels somewhat fuzzy, but she can still keep going.

_“But in the end we could just make do with Chouno Am, even if Yumizuki Luna doesn’t make it to the end.”_

_“I’m sure we could just say something to the public to make up for her absence.”_

The voices of other employees float around the corner, and Luna can feel her legs freeze up.

_“Where did the Vanguard Association even find her in the first place?  No background, no experience, and she kept screwing up at the beginning.”_

_“Chouno Am is the better one in the end.”_

Luna can hear them. She can hear the two employees around the corner but she isn’t able to deny a single thing.  She knows she’s incompetent compared to Am already.  She knows she really isn’t worthy of working alongside her, or having this role in the first place.  She knows already, but Luna can feel her body starting to shake again.

“What’s wrong?”  Luna jumps as she turns and sees Am standing behind her.  “You weren’t coming back so I went to search for you.  Are you alright?”

“U-Um, yeah…” Luna says, but it’s drowned out by the sound of laughter from the two around the corner.

_“Yumizuki Luna really isn’t needed then, as long as we have the other one.”_

_“We could have probably saved budget by just hiring one!”_

Luna knows Am can hear them, and she turns fearfully to the other.  “A-Am?  Let’s go.” Luna says, but Am walks right past her, walks right up to them, a kind of righteous fury in her eyes contrasting with her calm expression.  

“If you have any complaints about how Rummy Labyrinth is run, please direct them to our manager, Enishi Satoru.”  Am says, and Luna can hear the anger laced under the calm biting words even from down the hallway where she’s hiding.  “I can assure you that we are working our hardest to guarantee all of our fans are happy. If you two could try working half as hard as Luna does, I’m sure you would see results as well.”

The two employees look both offended and afraid, and they back off and walk away.  Am walks back to Luna, a small smile on her face.  “We might get a complaint later, but I’m sure Enishi-san can handle it.  Now come on, let’s go back to our seats.”

Luna feels lightheaded, and she could barely believe Am just stood up for her, possibly getting in trouble for it too.  Her body’s heating up and her vision’s swimming again, and the soft expression that Am gives her, so much different from how she treated the two employees seconds ago, makes her heart lurch and her head race.  “Luna, are you okay?”  Am asks as Luna feels her body sway.

“I’m sorry, Am.”  Luna starts, and all the sudden hot tears are running down her face, as she reaches out and tugs at Am’s hand with one of hers and wipes away tears with the other.

“Huh, it’s fine, you don’t have to apologize,” Am says, as if they had gone back to the early weeks when all Luna did was apologize.  All she does is cause trouble in the end.  “What are you apologizing for, you did nothing wrong.”  She smiles at Luna and strokes her hair with her free hand, and all Luna can do is snivel and keep crying.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”  Luna sobs. “I’m sorry!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stayed tuned next time for 'the date' episode now with even more pain


	3. All Alone (With You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some things that can only be shared in the dead of night (or morning) with two people and no others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, GIRS Crisis ep 16, the “Date”. Do you ever think about that one time Bushiroad’s twitter page put out “Have you found the Luna to your Am” for Valentine’s Day and just think about what kind of foreshadowing that was? I do. A lot. I don't really have a point I just wanted to say once again that I love Rummy Labyrinth.

Preparation for the fifth G-Quest goes smoothly, or about as smoothly as hectic planning and frantic rehearsals can go.  Even Am agrees that the week has gone better than most.  And hearing that should make Luna pleased.  It should make Luna happy that even Am’s pleased by their current work.

But Am has been acting weird lately.  Her business smile is more present than ever, and Luna can visibly see the exhaustion in her shoulders now.  Am disappears during breaks, when she’s usually in the break room with Luna or discussing other performance possibilities with the directors.  But Am always shows up right on time as soon as the break ends, tired but ready to work.

Except today.

It’s already five minutes into rehearsal time, but Am’s nowhere to be seen.  She disappeared at the beginning of their break like usual, but hadn’t showed up afterwards.  And Luna’s worried.  She and some of the staff wander around the halls, trying to locate the girl.

Luna crosses a corridor, and finally finds Am sitting in the corner of the dead end of the hallway. Relief floods her, and she’s about to call out to the other when she stops.

Am’s legs are curled up to her chest as she sits right up in the corner of the hall, shadows falling across her hair from the lack of lighting.  It’s the janitor hall, no one comes down it during the daytime, and the lights are always off to save power.  Am doesn’t seem to mind, and she just sits there motionless, one hand clenched around the mitten charm on her backpack next to her.  Even in the dark, Luna can see the sadness on Am’s face.

It scares Luna.  

“A-Am, rehearsal’s about to start…”  Luna stutters out.

It startles Am, and she finally moves to look at Luna.  Her hand falls off of the mitten charm.  “Oh no, is it that time already?”  Am pulls out her phone, only to make a frustrated noise at it.  “It ran out of battery!  No wonder the alarm didn’t go off!”  

She stands up in a hurry, swinging her backpack over one shoulder.  “I’m sorry, were you worried?  I’ll apologize to the staff about it.”  Am says, walking quickly over to her side.  

She looks fine now, like the usual business Am.  But there’s brittleness in her voice that Luna knows wasn’t there before, like this persona was glass and could shatter at any moment.

“Am,” Luna starts, “are you… alright?”  She can feel the words fall out of her mouth weakly.  It sounds dumb, like she was a child who didn’t know how to properly enunciate feelings.  But Am looks surprised, and it takes a few moments for the business smile to return.

“I’m fine, Luna. Let’s go before we waste any more time.” Am says, as if everything’s back to normal.

It doesn’t make Luna feel any better.

 

* * *

 

Am did have alternate work, with at least five cellphones in her backpack at all times, which Luna wasn’t too clear about but knew that it took up a lot of her spare time.  So for most of their off-days, Luna would go on quests to try and improve her own skills, or call Tokoha and Kumi and hang out if they were close by.  She had fun hanging out with friends.  They could talk about little things and enjoy each other’s company.  

It comes up in conversation, and it practically smacks her in the head that day that Luna doesn’t know much about Am’s personal life.  Am’s show persona always took first priority, and they were both always discussing the now that Luna figured Am’s life must have been just like this before meeting her as well.  But the cold of January, even with only a light shower of snow last week, was surely settling in, and Am seemed even more distant than usual.  They never hung out unless it was about work, but now Am had even less free time, and said Luna had graduated from their teaching fights so there was no more need for them.  Luna had no idea what Am was thinking about, or doing right now.  Am handled a lot more work than Luna did, and she guessed it was just because of that, but she laments about it to Tokoha and Kumi anyways.

“Am hasn’t been very cheerful lately.  She never tells me anything.”  Luna laments, attacking Kumi’s vanguard and sipping her soda at their café table.  “Our work’s going well, and I’ve been getting better at vanguard too.”

“Better than me…”  Kumi sobs to Tokoha.

“But it doesn’t seem like there’s anything in our work that would make her so depressed and sad.” Luna sighs.  “I wish she would talk to me.”

Tokoha and Kumi look at each other simultaneously.  “What if you made her chocolates?  Valentines Day is coming up soon too!”  They both say happily.  Luna stares at them.

Buying chocolates for Am seems like the perfect idea.  She had never given or received chocolates before, but giving Am a present might cheer her up.  

Giving Am chocolates.

As friends.

Nothing more.

That leads to them buying chocolate ingredients, and Luna spotting the familiar figure of Am walking down the street from the mall overpass.  And somehow Tokoha and Kumi say the right words, and Am gets dragged into their group for today.

It’s fun.  It’s the most fun Luna’s had in ages, and Am’s beside her the entire time.  They take pictures together.  They try on clothes together.  They get interrogated by Kumi on how much money they make.  They start arguing about food, and Am and Tokoha face off. It’s incredibly fun.

“I hear they’re opening a new café in this mall next month, and they’re supposed to have amazing chocolate cake!”  Kumi smiles as they walk off to the food court.  “We should all go once it opens!”

“That might be tough. After the G-Quests, we’re going to have to work harder than ever to keep up this momentum for Rummy Labyrinth. But I’m sure we’ll find time, right Luna?”  Am says, nudging Luna in the side.

After the G-Quests. Luna’s legs stop working, and she stops walking as the others keep going.  What was she going to do after the G-Quests?  There’s only two weeks left for the G-Quests.  Fourteen days and counting.  “Y-Yeah,” Luna says, but her voice is strained, and she can feel the stem and leaves of a carnation climbing her throat, the flower threatening to leave her lips.

“Ah!  I think I left my phone at the jewelry shop we were just at!” Tokoha exclaims, and Kumi panics with her.  “You two go find seats, me and Luna can go back and search for it!”  

Tokoha grabs her hand and they run down the hall of stores, past two corners and into the mall washrooms. Luna’s glad Tokoha understands, and the girl waits outside the washroom stall as Luna coughs up more flowers until she can feel air flowing into her lungs again.

“Does Am-chan not know?” Tokoha asks as they head back to the food court.

Luna shakes her head. “Most of the workers do now, after I discussed it with my manager.  But I’d rather not bother Am with it, in the end.”  Her throat felt restricted as she coughed up a few more petals into her hand.

“Are you considering the surgery?”

“I don’t know…”  Luna says.  It’s a scary thought, losing memories of all this.

“Hanahaki Disease is scary, but so is romance.”  Tokoha says. “Nobody’s good at it.  Even if you decide to have the surgery, me and Kumi-chan will always be your friends.”

“But Am…”

Am would move on, and Luna would lose all memories of her.

Luna coughs some more, and a red carnation falls past her hands.  Tokoha catches it before it hits the ground and anyone else sees.  “It’s pretty.”  She says softly.  “Did you know?  Red carnations are a very popular flower.  They symbolize admiration.  But darker red carnations symbolize deep love.”

Luna looks at the carnation in Tokoha’s hand, so soft and delicate and pretty.  “It’s the colour of blood.”  She comments.

Tokoha makes an idle noise of agreement.  “But I think if you’re not willing to bleed for love, then it’s not worth it.”

They toss the petals into a recycling bin and walk to the table where Am and Kumi are waiting. Luna goes off to buy food with Kumi, and they win free food for being their 100,000th customers.  Am even agrees to go with her to get cream puffs next week.  Luna feels so happy, her throat barely bothers her.

The sun sets and darkness blankets the city, but it’s still bright sitting on the bench under the brightly lit Ferris wheel with Am.  It’s getting late and cold, the weather report said it would snow soon, and the day will have to end, and then Luna will be back to her usual schedule of rehearsals, practice, lessons, and Am.  She wonders how much more of this she can have.

Am stares up at the glittering lights of the Ferris Wheel, and Luna looks up as well, trying to find Tokoha and Kumi from her spot.  A kid and parent walks by happily, and Luna smiles at how cute they are together.  “Hey Am,” she starts, but falters once she sees Am’s expression.

“I hate this season.” Am says, quietly, softly, as if it might disappear in the falling snow along with everything else.  “It always reminds me of something bad that happened. I was five years old.  It was someone dear to me.  Someone incredibly precious to me.”  Am is quiet, her hand naturally reaching out for the mitten on her bag.  “You found this for me once.  It’s a keepsake of that person, and of our bond.  I lost everything that day.  That’s why I hate this season.  That’s why I get depressed every time─”

Luna wonders why it took her so long to notice.  She wonders if it was just because she’s dense, or because she had been too busy holding in the flowers in her lungs, that she only ever sees Am give other people are business smiles and nothing else.  She wonders why it didn’t occur to her until today that Am is as human as Tokoha or Kumi or Chrono or Shion or even herself.  She wonders why it didn’t occur to her until now that Am is also lonely.

Luna grips Am’s hand, and she hears Am let out a shaky breath, and Luna would bleed for as long as necessary if it meant Am could heal.  

“But… nobody ever noticed that before.  Nobody until now.  I’ve tried so hard to hide these feelings… and yet…”

The darkness and the cold don’t bother her.  The roots constricting and binding her lungs and heart don’t bother her.  She just wants to hang onto Am’s hand and warmth for as long as it takes for Am to smile again.

 

* * *

 

The gravity of her situation finally hits her Friday morning, a day before their next G-Quest performance, when it’s 7:00am but Am still isn’t in the lobby of the apartment building to leave and she isn’t answering her phone.  Their driver also looks worried, and sends her up to Am’s apartment with a spare key to check on the girl.  Luna enters the apartment as quietly as she can, while also calling out the girl’s name quietly.  Am’s apartment is messier than hers, with piles and piles of documents on the kitchen counter and dining table that Luna couldn’t begin to understand.  

Luna creeps into the bedroom, sees Am still asleep in her bed, curled up innocently under the butterfly print blanket, and she lets out a sigh of relief as she approaches quietly. Luna kneels next to the front of the bed, leaning on the bed post as she takes out her phone and sends a text to Enishi and their driver that they’re going to be a bit late.  It’s a good thing Am always insists on showing up half an hour early to help out with the other staff’s work, so they have some extra time to make up for what’s lost.  Am always has so much extra work, it must have tired her out.

Am looks so much younger when asleep.  She’s still fast asleep, face half buried into the pillow, with the blanket pulled under her chin, snoring lightly.  Am snores. It’s cute, and Luna takes a picture with her phone, giggling quietly, then lets out a silent yelp as Am moves, turning her body to face Luna.

“Mom…”  She hears Am groan, shifting under the sheets.  “Dad…”  Her face scrunches up and her hand emerges from under the blankets, reaching out and grasping the air blindly as Am hides her face further in the pillow.  

She’s trying to hold her mitten charm, Luna realizes.  Her backpack isn’t anywhere in the room though, so Luna reaches up to try and shake the other awake, but Am grabs her hand tight instead and Luna has to use her other hand to clamp over her mouth to stop herself from waking Am up accidentally.

“Don’t go, don’t go…” Am mumbles, pulling Luna’s hand closer until it’s being cradled tightly in her chest.  “Don’t leave me alone…”  And a tear drips onto the pillow.

“I…” Luna starts, chokes, and coughs a messy trail of carnations down her shirt.  She can feel her heart restricting from the flowers, and she needs to leave now before Am sees the mess she’s made.  She needs to leave before Am finds out.  But she just doesn’t want to let go of Am’s hand.

The deep blood red petals clash with Am’s blue hair, but they’re both soft and gentle and it makes Luna’s heart ache as she strokes Am’s hair with her free hand, watching more tears fall.  She feels so useless.

“Don’t go…”

Luna tries imagining that those words are for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned next time for the 'Stride Gate'.


	4. One by One, the Seasons Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the G-Quests, and Luna comes to a realization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so AP Exams happened and then the end of high school and somehow I just completely forgot about updating this but I'm here now! I'll post the rest of the chapters in this story! Rummy Labyrinth is still canon in NEXT god bless.

It hurts.

Luna grips the side of the wastebasket so hard her knuckles go white as her lungs try their best to push  the petals in her airway out and her throat burns as she watches petals and flowers fall , her stomach burns and her eyes burn and she thinks she’s crying as an entire carnation slips off her tongue, and she idly wonders if the colour is getting darker than before, that she was pretty sure the petals were a lighter red than they are now, and she faintly wonders if they’re getting stained with her blood before she coughs up another onslaught until her sides hurt so much it feels like they might cave in.

But this doesn’t begin to compare to Am’s pain for the past eight years.

She doesn’t know how much longer her body will hold out.  She doesn’t know how much longer she can keep this up.  But as long as she’s still breathing, she’s not going to be a burden.  She’s going to be someone.  She’s going to exist in other people.

Once she dies, maybe Am will remember her.

 

* * *

 

The fifth G-Quest finishes up, and Luna can feel the roots of carnations digging deep into her heart and lungs and her breathing’s always strained.  Luna sits in Enishi’s office again, and even he seems tired from all the work they’ve been dealing with.  But today wasn’t about work.  It was about the potential surgery. 

Luna had looked up reviews and experiences of others with the disease online.  Some had tales of recovering after growing out of their feelings, just like how Naoki had described.  Most had described the surgery as painless and successful.  Every single one of them said the same thing: that they couldn’t remember how they had even contracted the disease in the first place afterwards.  That it was difficult readjusting to life after having a large gap in memories that spanned from a month to years, depending on the person, but they kept living on with no recollection of those missing feelings.

Luna thinks of Tokoha, fierce and strong, but also kind and understanding.  She thinks of Shion, calm and tactical but brave all the same.  She thinks of Chrono, headstrong and determined and always charging forward.  She thinks of Kumi, airy and light and cheerful.  She thinks of Naoki and Shingo, grown adults but still happy and childlike.  She thinks of Enishi, still cold and commanding even now, but brings them hot chocolate after performances for a job well done.  She thinks of Harri, her deck, the Pale Moon Circus, and how much vanguard is a part of her life now.

Luna thinks of Am, who she had first seen a video of online announcing tryouts, and immediately rushed off to audition like every other girl in the country, failed miserably, but somehow still ended up meeting the girl the next day.  She thinks of their early days, when all Luna did was fail, trip, mess up, and apologize on cycle, and every single time Am would stay calm, turn to her, tell her to make it up with actions instead of words, and make things work out.  She thinks of awkward nights reading forums and studying cards, sneaking out for quests, going to Card Capital 2 to learn how to play all so Am would be proud.  She thinks of Am’s precious mitten, so tiny and fragile, and how hard Am clung to it in hopes that nothing else would break.

She thinks of Am onstage, the only time when Am was free, and bared her heart to share with the world.

She thinks of Am laughing and grinning as they took dumb pictures together and ate cream puffs.

She thinks of Am, sitting alone in the corner of the studio, clutching her mitten and trying not to let the cold bother her.

She thinks of Am’s hug that afternoon at Dragon Empire, that Am was indeed human.

She thinks of Am’s hand, trembling and tight as it tried to hold onto any bit of warmth she could gather.

She thinks of Am’s love, poured so deeply into that mitten and into every performance they dance, evident in Am’s work ethic and Am’s happy cheers and Am’s cardfights and Am’s words.

She thinks of nights spent plucking petals off a carnation she coughed up, wondering if Am could save some love for her as well.

She thinks of a mundane life, wearing the same uniform, going to the same classrooms, having the same conversations, feeling no emotions, with nothing ever changing.  She had never felt happy, overjoyed, cheerful, sad, frustrated, tired, energetic, scared, strong, angry, determined before Am became a part of her life.  She would have never discovered how much she had inside her if she had never met Am.

She thinks of every red petal strewn and scattered across Japan, grown in her lungs off of her love for Am these past two months.  Her feelings were real, more real and tangible than anything she had ever experienced before.  That meant something, at least to her.

“Have you decided on a surgery date?”  Enishi asks, as casually as he can manage.

“Enishi-san,” Luna says.  “I’d rather die as Yumizuki Luna than live on as someone else.” 

Enishi looks surprised, then averts his eyes with a guilty expression.  “I’m sorry.”  He says.  “You didn’t deserve to have it end like this.”

Luna shakes her head.  “These last two months were the best months of my life.  If Yumizuki Luna is going to die either way, I want my last moments to mean something.  I want to help Am.”

Enishi’s finger on the desk twitches, and he pushes his lips together as if troubled with the idea.  He opens his mouth, hesitates, then takes a deep breath.

“Have you ever heard of the Stride Gate?”

 

* * *

 

Luna thinks she should be mad.  She thinks anyone in their right mind would be mad.  But she doesn’t have the strength to blame Enishi or the Vanguard Association for using her, and Am was the one who chose to be used by them in the first place.  All for the sake of a perfect future, where everyone would be happy and Am would have her parents again.

_“You two both have the potential to be the Peacemaker needed for triggering the Stride Gate to open.  But we’ve been powering the system so far using Chouno Am, and we haven’t tested it at all with you yet.”  Enishi said.  “It’ll take some time to readjust the system to accept your Stride Force instead.  As well, we’ve been powering it every three days, since it takes such a high toil on Chouno Am’s body.  But your current Stride Force readings have been considerably higher than hers for the past month, so we could adjust.  It all depends on the test runs however.”_

_He shuffled through some papers, and handed Luna a paper with an address and map printed on it.  “Come to here tomorrow night.  We can do the test run then.  It’ll be tough.”_

_“That’s fine.”  Luna said._

_“To completely open the Stride Gate, the Peacemaker would have to give all of their Stride Force, and their life to the gate.  You will cease to exist for the sake of the perfect future.”_

_“I’m already dying, Enishi-san.  If I can make everyone happy in the process, that just makes everything seem so much better.”  Luna admits._

The sixth G-Quest has her participating with Am as a team instead.  She watches Am try her best to beat every single enemy in their way, and it dawns on her that Am is still trying to take on everything by herself.  She doesn’t want to be outdone, and it’s Chrono who’s waiting at the top of the tower for her.

Chrono is strong, as expected from the Generation Master.  He’s relentless, but Luna has watched him fight before, and she’s also prepared for it too.

“Chrono-san,” Luna says, striding into Mephisto.  “I finally have a goal in mind.  I finally have something I want to work towards.  I can’t afford to lose!”

“That’s good, Luna!”  Chrono says, grinning as he guards an attack.  “But I’m the same!”

She’s coughing, but she points forwards and declares her vanguard’s attack.  She coughs and coughs until flowers are falling all around her, and Enishi looks like he’s about to step in from the side but she refuses to lose.  She drive checks a triple critical trigger, and throws everything she has forwards to prove to everyone that she’s different now, stronger.

But Chrono wins in the end, and it’s frustrating, but Am pats her shoulder and comforts her all the same. 

 

* * *

 

The machine is cold and it hurts.  It feels like something’s being ripped out of her, and she coughs and reels in response and carnations fill her lap as she screams but forces herself to keep breathing around the petals.  If her suffering will make Am happy, then it’s worth any pain. 

A bright light fills the room, and the pain stops.  “Superb!  This is superb data!”  Luna hears the strange man in a full black coat that covers his mouth exclaim, and Enishi helps her to her feet and escorts her out of the lab room. 

“Are you having second thoughts about this?”  Enishi asks once she’s seated on a bench in the white sterile hallway and can breathe again.

Luna shakes her head.  “I’m compatible, aren’t I?  Then let me power the Stride Gate.”

Enishi nods, taking a small medicine bottle out of his pocket and hands it to her.  “These pills will help you breathe a bit easier, but they’ll dull your senses.  I’m putting you on medical leave for the next month so you don’t strain or injure yourself any further, but I don’t think it will take that long.  If you want to say any goodbyes, the next few weeks are your time.  But the Stride Gate is still highly classified information.”

She remembers Am’s silent tears under the Ferris Wheel, the bitter wind biting at their warm hands, and how hard Am had been clutching her hand.  “When I was five,” Am had said.  They’re thirteen now.  Am had been waiting eight years.  Luna could wait a month.

She nods.  “For the sake of the perfect future.”  Luna says.

 

* * *

 

The G-Quests’ final tournament comes to a close with Team Try3’s brilliant victory.  Luna’s happy for Tokoha and her team, but she’s also grateful that the final tournament doesn’t have much for them to do other than introduce the teams.  Am also leaves to take a phone call, which lets Luna cough without anyone seeing.

_“Chouno Am has been fighting for her parents ever since she lost them.  She joined us when she was eight, and not a single day was wasted as she studied and learned of the world in a way a child shouldn’t be capable of, but she did it anyways.”  Enishi said.  “We requested that she learn how to cardfight, and she won Vanguard tournaments.  We requested for her to earn money, and she founded the Ace Corporation.  But that was it.  Chouno Am works incredibly hard, but she is not gifted with talent.  You were gifted with incredible talent, for vanguard and your imagination, and your compatibility with Stride Force.”_

Luna can feel the stems of the carnations digging into her throat, and she resists the feeling of trying to reach her hand in to try and rip them out.  She doubts she could anyways.  She takes a sip from her water bottle, nearly choking on the sensation of it drenching petals as it made its way down.

They have to go soon.  The ending ceremonies are wrapping up, and as soon as Am comes back, she has to be presentable until she gets back to her apartment so that she can rest.

_“Chouno Am, while trying to balance all of her work, created the ruthless persona of Ace within herself.  She has run other companies to ruin, driven people to bankruptcy, all for the sake of the Stride Gate.  You’re familiar with Kiba Shion.  She took over the Kiba Corporation, leaving him with nothing more than a few yen.  That’s just one of hundreds.”_

Luna’s hand is shaking as she holds the water bottle.  Her legs feel weak and her head feels dizzy.  She watches Chrono take the trophy from the MC awkwardly, but with a happy smile.  Tokoha held onto a large bouquet, and Shion was holding up the medals they received.  They all looked so happy.  They were all so strong, and Luna was sure they were going to have such bright futures.  It was every kid’s dream to have a bright, happy future like that. 

_“Chouno Am is not someone good to be in love with.  She is someone willing to sacrifice anything and everything for the purpose of her future.  While it is for a noble purpose, it also means she has no room in her life for anyone else.”_

Am’s backpack was in the corner of their viewing room.  She had gotten a more solid strap for her mitten charm this time.  Luna could remember Am showing it off to her one day after rehearsal.  It was Rummy Labyrinth merchandise, light blue with dark blue butterflies and pink crescent moons on it, and Luna remembered laughing at how Am was using their own merchandise for it.  Luna wondered what they were going to do with all the Rummy Labyrinth merchandise once she was dead.

_“Your feelings are proud and noble, but they are also young and premature.  Won’t you reconsider while you still have the time?”_

“I’m back.” Luna hears the door open, and Am walks back in.  “Sorry it took so long, were you worried?”

Luna looks behind at Am, who has her business smile on, but obviously tired lines around her eyes, and her mouth twitches while trying to maintain it more often than usual, and all the sudden it hits her that this is probably the last time she will see Am.  She’s going on sick leave starting tomorrow to rest until the Stride Gate machine will accept her.  This Am is the last Am that she will see for the rest of her life.

Her hands freeze up, and the water bottle drops to the ground, spilling water everywhere.

“The water!”  Am says as she rushes over to the sofa where Luna’s sitting, but slows to a stop once she arrives at the sofa and gets a good look at the soaked floor.

The carnations are still all over ground in front of her, deep red against the light blue and green carpet and soaked, the water bottle rolling off to the side, and Luna can feel her heart about to burst out of her chest and blood run cold as Am sees it all.

“A, fan…” Luna stutters out, and her voice is hoarse and she wants to cough up more but she can’t in front of Am.  “A fan came by… gave a bouquet… but I accidentally dropped it and ruined it…”

“I see…” Am says, but her face is blank and her hands are shaking.

The sound of clapping is muffled by the glass, but Am’s eyes don’t leave from the sullied flowers, as if she’s hypnotized by them.  “Am,” Luna starts, and the words get tangled in flowers to the point where she chokes on it.  “Do you… like flowers?”

Am still hasn’t moved from her spot next to the sofa, and there’s a distant look in her eye that scares Luna.  She wants to say something, do something, anything to make that look go away, but her legs won’t move, her hands won’t move, her throat’s so blocked up she can’t make any sounds.

“My parents… we went to the flower shop that day.”  Am says quietly.  “I got first place in my class on a math test, and to reward me they said they were going to buy a really pretty bouquet of flowers for me, since we lived in an apartment and I couldn’t have a garden.  We all went to the shop, and I picked out this huge bouquet of carnations in white, pink, and red.  I was so excited…”  Her voice hitches, and Luna can feel her heart drop.  “I saw a bakery across the street, with pretty cakes in the window display, and I wanted one… So I ran across the street without a care.  But when my parents spotted me, they ran across the street to catch up to me… and my mom was still carrying the bouquet; she didn’t even pay for it yet cause she was so worried about me… and then the truck came… and…”

Luna lets out a choking gasp, a pathetic attempt in trying to breathe and clear her mind, and Am is moving again, kneeling on the sofa in front of her with her thumb rubbing gently at Luna’s cheek.  “L-Luna, there’s no need for you to cry about it, it happened years ago.”  Another choked sob escapes her throat anyways, and Luna tries to hide her teary face in her arms.  Am’s hand strokes through her hair as her other hand tries to move Luna’s arms away, but she pushes Am’s hands away as she continues to cry.

In her throat grew the very things that killed Am’s parents. 

_“I’m sorry, Enishi-san, but it’s already too late for them to wilt.”  Luna said.  “Thank you for trying though.  These flowers are already a part of me.  Yumizuki Luna loves Chouno Am.  I’m proud of this.”_

It’s the first time Luna’s felt so ashamed of her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should issue a reminder that this fic is tagged Angst with Happy Ending and no I haven't forgotten about that.


	5. I'll Become Someone For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna goes to sleep for the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may be lazy but at least I finished these chapters already so I can remember to post them. Second to last chapter, stay tuned for that happy ending.

Yumizuki Luna is dying. 

That is an unfortunate truth that Luna has to come to terms with.  She spends most of her time just lazing around, watching the news, reading some books that she forgot to return to the library, wandering around the neighbourhood.  It’s strange.  After two months of nonstop work, all the sudden all she has is free time.  Luna finally visited that okonomiyaki shop a block down from her apartment.  It was good, but she really wanted to share it with Am.

Luna wears a sick mask almost constantly nowadays, since petals are now falling every minute, and it becomes a pain to clean up the petals around her apartment.  The pills help, but she still feels constantly fatigued.  It wasn’t as if Luna was always in shape, but she had been getting better once she became an idol, and now she was regressing back to becoming a lazy slob.  There was so much free time it bothered her.

It almost feels as if she’s become a robot, going through just the necessary motions to keep herself alive.  She enjoys the new food, takes in the small community around her apartment that she never noticed before, but it’s not as if she’s doing anything particularly special or important anymore. 

Tokoha comes by one day, with croquette bread from Nishi Bakery.  “Freshly baked!”  Tokoha exclaims proudly.

They sit on Luna’s sofa together, watching the news.  Luna hears some announcement about an upcoming tournament, and laughs to Tokoha’s rants about how her brother wouldn’t sleep until he finished his speech for it.  The croquette’s are good, but only Tokoha would get worked up enough about bread to challenge someone to a fight about it.  Well, maybe her and Am.

The television starts playing some cartoon movie.  They only half pay attention, and Luna enjoys her hot cocoa as she watches a sentient peach start crying onscreen.  She coughs lightly, and a petal lands in her mug that she sets down on the coffee table.

“Hey Luna,” Tokoha says quietly, her fingers curled around her own mug.  “Are you really planning on dying?”

Luna nods.  She can’t tell Tokoha about the Stride Gate, but it’s a comforting thought that once she dies, Tokoha will also be happy in the perfect future. 

“Why?  Why are you doing this?”  Tokoha says, sounding almost insulted.  “You could take the surgery.  Even if you forget everything, I’ll still be your friend.  We’ll all support you, even if you can’t remember us.”

Luna thinks of Am on the verge of tears that night at Dragon Empire, in her bed still asleep, at the closing ceremony staring at the carnations that Luna kept spilling.

“It’s fine,” Luna says.  “Am will be happier once I’m gone.”

“I won’t be happy!”  Tokoha shouts angrily, slamming her mug down on the coffee table in front of them.  “I won’t be happy once you’re gone!  I’m going to be really, really sad!  So are Chrono and Shion!  And Kumi-chan still wants you to go to that new café with her!  My brother still wants Rummy Labyrinth to come back and perform at Dragon Empire again!  Trinity Dragon still wants to meet you at Card Capital!  I still want to chat with you more, and have sleepovers, and discuss our futures!  And I’m angry, that you’d throw away a future like that!”

Tokoha grabs Luna’s shoulders, jerking Luna forwards into a hug as Tokoha wraps her arms around Luna tightly.  Luna drops the tv remote in her hands, and petals scatter around Tokoha’s shirt, just like that day back at the Zoo G-Quest where Tokoha glowed with strength and excitement as Ahsha defeated everything in her path.

“Luna, why are you so determined to die?”  Tokoha whispers. 

And Tokoha’s so brilliant and shining, just like Chrono and Shion, and Kumi and Enishi, and Am, and Luna wonders how she was ever even brought into a world as bright as this.  But Tokoha’s hands are shaking and her face is buried in Luna’s shoulder, and it’s hard to believe that Tokoha would do this for someone like her, but she is, and Luna knows that she really has been blessed, and she embraces the hug back.

“Thank you, Tokoha,” Luna says, and Tokoha’s hands grip her back like it’s her lifeline. 

 

* * *

 

Just a little longer is the prevailing thought in Luna’s mind now.  Everything’s just a dull blur, as she goes through the minimal actions of keeping herself alive, with that being the only motivation left.

“Just a little longer,” Luna tells herself as she’s brushing her teeth and rinsing petals out of her mouth.

“Just a little longer,” Luna tells herself when she’s out shopping for her next meal.

“Just a little longer,” Luna whispers to herself in the middle of the night, lying on her bed alone surrounded by red carnations, and she stares at past text conversations on her phone.

Luna picks up her phone in the middle of making dinner two weeks later, Enishi’s name flashing on the screen, and completely forgets about the boiling pasta in favour for pressing the green answer button.

_“We’ve done it.  Come down to the lab whenever you’re ready.”_

If her life was to end, then she wants to do at least one good thing with it.

 

* * *

 

Luna closes the door of her apartment quietly, readjusting her backpack and surgical mask.  She’s enjoyed living here for the past two months.  She wonders who would move in after her.  It’s the last time she would see her apartment.  She’ll miss it.

The apartment door right across from her opens.  It’s Am.

Luna can feel her heart stop, and her hands quickly reach up to her face to make sure that the mask is still there, but even after confirming its existence she still feels too exposed.

“L-Luna, hey.”  Am says, her face changing from panic to surprise to a smile in an instant.  “Perfect timing!  I had some time off and I was testing out a new recipe and made cream puffs.  Did you want to come over and try some?  Oh, but…” Am’s smile wavers, and Luna realizes Am’s eyeing her sick mask. 

She should go.

Talking with Am was just going to hurt her more.

It was going to hurt Am more.

She should go before anyone got hurt.

“It’s fine!  Even if I can’t eat, I’ll still come over!”  Luna shouts even still.

Am also seems shocked by the announcement, but her face breaks out into a real grin.  “I’ll make some hot chocolate too!”

And that’s how Luna ends up sitting on Am’s couch, alternating adjusting her mask and sipping hot chocolate, with Am sitting next to her biting into cream puffs and talking about how her recent business trade was going, when she should be heading over to the labs for their perfect future.  Her body feels numb, and it feels like the flowers are almost clawing at her throat, whispering to her from inside that this was a stupid idea, but Luna doesn’t move from the couch.

“…but then I said ‘unlike you, I have important stuff to get to next month!  So you’d better make that report quick!’  I really don’t want to get bogged down with reading more reports while we’re doing Rummy Labyrinth business!  That’d get too tiring too fast!”

Am’s little apartment was always neat and tidy, save from the kitchen table with documents everywhere.  Usually it was comforting and inviting.  Today it just felt constricting.  “Can we not talk about Rummy Labyrinth?”  Luna says quietly.

Am seems almost hurt, but hides it with expert ease.  “Y-Yeah, I mean it’s technically our break right now from all that.”  She continues on, trying to cover up that small awkward moment.  “I wouldn’t want to talk or think about work during my breaks either!  Oh, but I was just talking about the company work… I’m sorry, I must have been rambling about boring stuff!”

There’s a single petal that escaped her lips and now floats inside Luna’s mug of hot chocolate.  She sloshes it around until it gets weighed down and disappears under the surface. 

“What’s wrong?  Is it bad?  Is it getting cold?  I can make you another one if you want.”  Am says, putting down the half-eaten cream puff and begins to get up.  Luna grabs her sleeve, but doesn’t move her eyes from watching the hot chocolate warm her hands around the mug, and can feel Am settling back down beside her.

The drink is mud coloured and Luna’s reflection is refracted and almost scary within it.  She’s not sure if she recognizes the person staring back up at her.

“Am, you want your parents back, don’t you?”

Am pauses, as if conflicted, and gives a worried smile back to Luna.  “Don’t worry about it too much, Luna.  It’s not that big of a deal.”

“It is a big deal!”

The sound of cars driving by is a dull buzz in the background, and it’s all Luna can hear, but she refuses to look up from her drink even as she feels Am’s eyes drilling into her.  “Luna…” Am starts, but she turns away, as if it hurts to look at her.

Luna isn’t able to handle it.  All the sudden something inside her is just crushed by her heavy heart as she looks at Am for what is most definitely the last time. 

_You’re doing this for a good reason,_ Luna reminds herself.

_You have to stay strong.  This is fine, remember?  You’re fine with this.  There’s no other possible outcome._

_This needs to happen._

Luna feels weak and pathetic, like nothing’s changed at all from when she had begun the G-Quests.  She’s still here, crying in front of Am because she couldn’t do anything right.  The mug is left on the coffee table, and Luna rubs at her eyes in a futile attempt to get tears to stop falling.  This is going to be her last impression on Am, she needed to at least be coherent and understandable.

“I’ll definitely bring your parents!  I’ll definitely succeed.  No matter what happens, I’m not going to give up.  I’m not going to fail.  So…”

_Don’t forget me._

She’s choking.  She can barely breathe through the tears, but she needs to make sure that Am knows, and her chest is heaving and she pulls down the mask to try and breath, but only achieves in letting out a sobbing gasp instead.  Am needs to know that she’s going to be happy again, and that was all Luna wanted, even if she couldn’t be around to see it.  She’s going to bring Am’s smile back, even if that smile would never be directed at her.

(Oh, but she wanted it.  She wanted to see it so badly, to bask in it, to exist by it, and to be loved by it as well)

Luna hiccups pathetically through sobs, and a red carnation petal comes flying out of her mouth, floating down gently into Am’s lap.

They’re both staring at it.  There’s no mistaking it, no missing it, and Luna knows that Am’s eyes are glued to it.

After two whole months.  After dozens of excuses, hiding around corners, running out of rehearsals and making it up later.  After promising to herself that she wouldn’t become a burden.  Luna can feel her heart shatter.

“L-Luna…” Am says, her voice shaking with fear, picking up the petal and rubbing it between her fingers, as if to confirm that it was indeed real.  “I-Is that…?”

Luna runs.

 

* * *

 

She stands at the edge of the lab, seeing the platform where she’s to lie until she dies, absorbed into the Stride Gate to bring Am’s parents back to life and give happiness to everyone else on Earth.  It’s vast, with sterile white everywhere and lab equipment around the edge.  It looks large and lonely.

“Do you have second thoughts?”  Enishi asks.  Luna shakes her head.  “Any final requests?  You will still have your consciousness in the machine, but you won’t be able to wake up here again.”

Luna coughs lightly, and a red petal floats out.  It joins the others on the floor.

“Do you want to talk to Chouno Am?” 

Luna thinks of Am’s horrified expression, looking at the carnations and then at Luna.  “It’s fine.”  She says softly.  “Am will be happier if I don’t talk to her.”

Her eyes are still red and puffy.  There’s no more tears left in her, nothing but acceptance.  It’s strange, and it may be due to the pills, but Luna can’t feel any fear towards her situation.  She’s going to die, and everyone else will be happier with it, so she’s fine.

Enishi talks to the scientist, then returns over to Luna’s side.  Luna looks at his expression and wonders if he’s sad as well.  “It was an honour working with you, Yumizuki Luna.”  Enishi says. 

Enishi Satoru, 18 years old, Dark Zone Branch Manager, always formal when speaking, cold and rational, but kind and caring to others all the same in his own way.  Luna is grateful.  She’s grateful to Enishi and Tokoha and Team Try3 and all the workers and cardfighters she’s met, for allowing her to have these two months of happiness.  With the perfect future, she can pay them all back.

But she’s going to miss them.

She looks up at the man and falls forwards, hugging the man who is two full heads taller than her around the waist, gripping tightly with her arms so that maybe he won’t notice her puffy eyes.  “Thank you, Enishi-san, for doing so much for us these past months.”  She looks up at the man, takes a deep breath, and grins.  “Thank you.” 

Enishi looks almost shook for once, the most expression she’s ever seen on the man.  He presses his lips together, and there are wrinkles at his brow, but he rubs her back gently into the hug.  “I…”, but he falters, and Luna buries her face back into his coat, so that she can disguise his trembling as her own.   

Enishi’s hands are large and colder than Am’s.  They grip strong and firm as he guides her to the center of the dome.  He helps her up onto the platform and stays with her until she’s lying down on the cold surface, then let’s go of her hand.  She stares at the high ceiling of the lab.  It’s white.

Luna thinks of Am, eyes glistening that night at Dragon Empire, tearfully laughing together with her.

She smiles and closes her eyes.


	6. Your Hand In Mine (Forever More)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna and Am finally meet each other halfway

_It’s white._

_It’s blank and white and there’s nothing here in any direction._

_It’s not particularly cold or hot.  It’s not uncomfortable, but it’s not comfortable either.  She has to look down at her hands to make sure that they’re still there, that she actually still exists.  It turns out she does still exist, and she still occasionally coughs up petals, but they’re nowhere as bad as before._

_She loses focus on the concept of time easily.  There are no clocks, and her phone was dead, and she found herself just lying down most of the time, staring at white._

_She wonders how much longer._

_She starts to play with the spare petals, placing them into pictures.  Maybe they were memories, it was hard to keep track of anymore.  She gets to work, setting down petal after petal, stepping around them carefully so that she doesn’t ruin it, and she continued to lay them down one by one.  Fatigue and sleep never seem to come around, and neither does hunger or frustration.  Just a dull throbbing in the back of her mind telling her to finish._

_Maybe it’s longing, maybe’s its loneliness, she’s not able to tell anymore._

_The images of people stare back from the petals.  A girl with long hair cut short around her face and long at the back, and a bright smile on her face.  A boy with sleek hair framing his face, and confidence in his eyes.  A boy with tall spiky hair, a swirl in the middle of it that was almost funny to look at, and determination burning bright.   A girl with short hair, flaring out slightly near the neck and a butterfly pin in her hair, that made her heart hurt just looking at it._

_They all held onto a rectangular piece of paper.  A card?  She almost recalls it.  What was its name again?_

_It was supposed to be familiar.  Something she knew well.  Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew the name…_

_Vanguard?_

_“Yo!”_

_She startles, accidentally knocking a few petals out of place.  Behind her stands a short boy with pink hair lighter than her own, and a bright blue jacket with matching shorts, boots, and a top hat tucked so low it covered one eye with its golden mask symbol.  He has on a pink cape, and held onto a black wand with a little purple demon at the end.  A white pigeon lands on his shoulder, preening itself before looking down at her._

_“H-Hello…”  She says, staring at the boy._

_“It took you long enough!  The final battle’s even started!  I was thinking you’d never remember!”  The boy whined and waved his wand around in a way that she couldn’t even take the complaints seriously._

_“Um… w-who?  What?”  She stands all the way up, almost half a head taller than him.  “W-Why are you here?”_

_The boy smiles.  “I’m Masked Magician, Harri!  It’s nice to finally meet you face to face, Yumizuki Luna!”_

_Luna blinks.  She’s Yumizuki Luna.  She’s a Vanguard fighter.  She’s a member of Rummy Labyrinth._

_And then everything rushes back.  All the events of the last two months come back to her, and she remembers the auditions, the rehearsals, the G-Quests, all the people she met and all the trouble she had gone through to get to here right now.  And Luna looks down at the red petals and now remembers why they exist._

_Harri gives a mischievous smile, but seeing it calmed her down strangely.  “About time.”_

_He settles onto the ground cross-legged, and Luna sits down next to him.  “So, why are you here?”  Luna asks._

_“Yumizuki Luna’s will is fighting for the Stride Gate, so that you can die and Am can have her parents back.  But I am your avatar, we're synced after all, and I think we need to have a chat.”  Harri says.  “The final battle has started.  The chosen five are now fighting against the arbiters to decide the future of both Earth and Cray.  Your will is fighting against Am right now.”_

_It’s hard to imagine.  The Stride Gate is beginning and so close, her subconscious will is fighting for the future.  But she doesn’t understand.   “Why is Am fighting against the Stride Gate?”_

_“Chouno Am no longer wishes for the Stride Gate.”_

_“What?!”  Luna accidentally scatters some petals when she moves her arm out in shock.  “Why?  But she was going to get her parents back!  It’s all Am ever wanted!”  She pulls up her legs into her chest.  “I don’t understand.  Am… really misses her parents.”_

_Harri looks upwards, leaning back on his hands stretched out behind him.  His pigeon hopes over and rests on his stomach, and he kicks his legs idly like a child.  “You’re going to die.  In less than an hour, if the arbiters win and Am and the others lose, the Stride Gate will be completed and you will be absorbed into it.”  The pigeon hopes over onto Luna’s knees, staring up at her.  “Are you fine with it ending like this?”  Harri asks._

_Luna nods._

_“Are you really happy?”  Harri demands.  “Why are you doing this?”_

_“To make Am happy!  If Am’s happy then I’m happy!”_

_“Are you really happy?!”  Harri demands.  “Is disappearing going to make you happy?!  Is it going to make Chouno Am happy?!"  He slaps the ground and leans right into her face.  "Did you ever ask once what would make Chouno Am happy?!”_

_She had spent most of her time following after Am, and then avoiding her.  “I…”  She never asked about anything personal concerning Am.  She always avoided the subject.  They had both always danced around the subject, letting it hang awkwardly in the air but never reaching out to it to confirm anything._

_“If you love Am that much then listen to her!”  Harri yells, jumping to his feet and raising his wand into the air in anger almost comically.  Luna doesn’t laugh and neither does Harri.  He just glares back at her._

_“Why do you think Enishi Satoru kept telling you all that stuff about Am?  Or why Tokoha would keep texting you?  Why do you think Am offered you cream puffs?”  Harri says.  “None of them want you to die.  Nobody wants you to die!”_

_“But I have to do this!  I have to!”_

‘That’s enough, Luna!’

_It’s Am’s voice._

‘I’ve decided to wait!  I’ll wait for my parents to come home!  Just waiting for them to come home when there’s a chance that they won’t may be too painful for me to handle.  But even so, I… I’ve decided to live on and not give up!’

_Harri eyes her, aiming his wand at Luna’s throat.  “I’m your avatar.  We’re linked.  I’m not about to let you go without at least listening once to what everyone else thinks about you.”_

‘That’s the kind of future I want.  I have no use for fake happiness in a future just handed to me.’

_“The Stride Gate sacrifices all life on Cray for a dream that envelops all people on Earth.  That is not what Chouno Am wishes for anymore.”  Harri taps the end of his wand on the ground twice, and bubbles start forming out of the top, surrounding the white space with multi-coloured bubbles floating all around them.  “Salvation isn’t as simple as just sitting down and dreaming of better things to come.  Life is hard, it’s tough, and sometimes it’s frustrating to the point of tears.  But you can’t give up and hope things might be better without you there.”_

‘I want to go on stage with Luna again!  I want to sing together, and dance together!  But that’s not all!  There are so many other things I want to do!  I want to see movies together, go out and eat together, have fun together, and laugh together!  When I’m feeling miserable or lonely or helpless… Luna!  I want you to be with me!’

_Luna looks around at all the bubbles, reflecting her own face back at her.  A girl with average looks, dull yellow eyes, pink hair with that strange lock that always sat flat in the middle of her forehead and curled up at the ends weirdly.  A girl who cried ugly tears, got easily embarrassed and confused, who tried to maintained a stage smile and failed, who continually let others down.  She had three friends at best, she could barely talk to adults without mentally preparing for half an hour, she had two left feet for dancing, and she was too overly emotional about everything.  But Am wanted to be with someone like her, even still.  Am, who had spent years of her life devoted solely to seeing her parents happy and well again someday._

_“She’s fine now.  Chouno Am is finally looking at the present, instead of the past or future.  It’s time you do the same.”  Harri says._

_He waves his wand, and all the bubbles pop, and suddenly there’s a trail of glowing, rainbow coloured butterflies soaring and spiralling around them, and then into the endless vast of white above.  They hover and soar together, and it’s beautiful.  Harri stands, holding out his hand to her._

_“What do you want to do?”  He asks._

_Luna’s hands clench on the edge of her skirt.  “I want to go on stage with Am again.  I want to attend rehearsals, learn scripts, go onto tv talk shows and game shows and dramas and record skits.  I want to give everyone smiles as Rummy Labyrinth, and receive back from so many wonderful people out there!”_

_“Louder.”_

_She stands up with her hands still clenched.  “I want to go on dates with Am!  I want to play more games with her, and visit the mall again, and then the aquarium or the café or a restaurant!  I want to watch fireworks with her in the summer, and create snow angels together in the winter!  I want to laugh about stupid jokes together, and cry about sad movies together!  I want to spend nights together in our apartment just being happy and letting nothing hurt us for once!”_

_“Louder!”_

_She places a hand on her chest and shouts.  “I want to live on with Am, to see each tomorrow together with her, supporting each other the entire time!  I want to hold onto her hand and never let go!”_

_“Louder!!”  Harri gestures wildly, and the white space around them is suddenly filled with colour as it turns into the Pale Moon Circus Tent, with the spotlight on them onstage.  “You have to shout it loud enough for everyone in your audience to hear!  Until the entire world can hear!  Now once more from the top!”  He points his wand at Luna and grins.  “Who are you?!”_

_“I’m a member of Rummy Labyrinth, Yumizuki Luna!”_

_“And what do you want?!”_

_“I want to stay with Am!!”_

_The stage bursts apart like glass shards around Luna, as if the entire space was shattering apart.  And all the sudden it feels like Luna’s falling into that endless space of white as shards of colour and dreams rise upwards and out of her reach, and brilliant colours and memories begin to fly towards the sky like butterflies.  Harri floats above her, the wind buffering his hat and cloak, as if he too was going to be swept away, and Luna reaches out in a panic, but Harri grins in a way almost similar to Am before Luna falls and everything fades to white._

 

* * *

 

 

Luna opens her eyes.

She’s suspended in the air, a pit in her stomach from the feeling of almost falling but hovering somehow.  She can see the bridge by the river from here, and she’s floating so much higher than her apartment building that the people on the roof are specks.  The people are asleep, she realizes as she squints.  Everyone on the streets and roads are asleep.  She’s dressed in Harri’s magician uniform, holding onto Harri’s wand while surrounded by her vanguard units, and a large pillar of light glows behind her.

And Am is there.

Am is standing on the top of a building across from her, in Nightrose’s outfit and wielding a glowing sword.  Am is there, staring at her in surprise and worry and wonder and seeing Am again just makes Luna realize how much she misses Am.

Luna can feel flowers in her throat, and she can’t breathe or talk, and she starts clawing at her throat to get any sort of air into her lungs.  She needs to do something, to reach Am, she doesn’t want to let go this time, and she doesn’t want to let things slip out of her reach anymore.

“Am..!” Luna chokes out, trying to reach outwards.

“Luna!!!” 

Am leaps forwards with her sword, clashing with Carnivorous Megatrick Prana above her, but is pushed back by vines surging forwards from Prana’s wand.  “I’m coming, Luna!”  Am yells.

Am isn’t weak.  But Am had said herself that sometimes, all the sadness and frustration in the world was just too much to bear by yourself.  And Luna wants to be there for her as well.

And Luna feels an ephemeral head rest on her shoulder and her chest getting lighter.

_“Move forwards and find happiness, my avatar.”_

The feeling disappears and Luna nods.  People get stronger by clashing with others, understanding others, and moving forwards together.  And Luna isn’t weak anymore either. 

Luna opens her arms outwards, at Am flying above her, and screams with every fibre of her being, so that the entire city can hear.

“AM!!!!!”

Prana looks down at her shout, and Am takes the opportunity to land a hit right down the middle.  The Stride unit chokes, clutching her side at the slash, and Luna can see it slowly dissolving apart.  Her form grows faint, while both Harri and Nightrose’s costumes disappear from them, and Luna and Am stare as Prana smiles and gestures at Am to pass. 

It’s over.

“Luna!”  And Am dives through the air towards her, hand reaching out, and Luna refuses to let go of that again.  “Luna!!”

Luna catches Am in her arms, and Am’s arms wrap around her back, pressing her head into Am’s shoulder as she starts sobbing.  Luna’s own hands thread through Am’s hair as she hugs Am closer, and she can feel tears welling up in her throat as well. 

Am is here.  It’s over.

“I’m sorry!  I’m sorry!  I’m sorry I didn’t notice your feelings earlier!  I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier!  I’m sorry I was so terrible!  I’m sorry, Luna!”  Am sobs, clutching the back of Luna’s shirt.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t say anything!  I’m sorry for making you worry!”  Luna chokes out in return.  “I’m sorry for not listening to you!  Am…” 

And as Carnivorous Megatrick Prana produces red carnations from her wand above them, Luna can feel the flowers in her throat slowly disappearing.  She can feel Am’s tears on her shoulder, Am’s hands through her hair and on her back, Am’s chest against hers and Am’s head right next to hers, and Luna lets realization run through her veins that love existed everywhere, and that she just needed to remember to look.

“Thank you, Am.  I love you!”

For the first time in months, Luna feels like she can breathe.

Am takes a deep, shuddering breath into her shoulder, then pulls back and looks at Luna with such contentment and elation that she feels lightheaded, in a way that the love in her eyes was unmistakable.  Am’s arms are still wrapped around her waist, and she clings to Am’s shoulders in confirmation that they’re still together.

“Come on, let’s go home.”  Am smiles. 

Luna leans into Am’s warmth and lets herself close her eyes, and she knows that Am will still be there when she opens them once again.  She lets her and Am blend together in the morning light, until all they can feel is each other, and Luna allows herself to breathe.

It’s finally over.

 

* * *

 

 

The hospital is quiet and white, but also bustling with life at the same time.  Through the glass window, Luna can see two people being held on life support, lying in beds, with the only indication that they still had life in them the occasional spike on the monitor by the bed.  Am stares, but that constant edge of frustration in her eyes was gone, and acceptance was left in its place.  And Luna hadn’t coughed up a single petal ever since she had landed back in the city with Am by her side.

They were both alive.

It had been a hectic week of explanations and apologies.  Kumi had hugged both of them while crying.  Tokoha had scolded her, and then Am, and then joined in on the teary hug.  Even Chrono had wiped away a few tears, which Tokoha had later teased him about before pulling both him and Shion into the hug.

Enishi had come later, when Luna had spotted him packing his things from his usual office.  He had apologized to both of them, and Luna had tried to apologize back, but he refused, and wished both her and Am luck on future work.  She was going to miss Enishi.

Am’s hand rests on the glass window, and Luna imagines that she’s trying to reach her parent’s hands through all the barriers.  The bouquet of flowers that she had brought feels heavy in her hands.  Now she remembers what the white reminded her of: loneliness.  Am standing over the beds of parents who might never wake up.  Luna sitting alone in a field of white, waiting for death.

“Kiba Shion has agreed to pay for the rest of my parent’s hospital funds.”  Am starts.  “The Kiba Corporation will be providing them with the latest medical equipment.”

“Really?  That’s great news.” 

Am nods, but her expression doesn’t change.  “The rest of my life may not be long enough to make amends for what I’ve done.”  She says.  “But I won’t give in or give up.  I’ll live my life achieving one thing at a time, doing what I can.”

And since Luna isn’t half-blinded by Am’s confidence anymore, she can see Am’s hand on the glass window shaking.  And since Luna isn’t putting Am on a pedestal high above anymore, she reaches out and clasps onto Am’s hand.  “I’ll bear the burden with you.”  Luna says.  “I made a mistake, the same as you.  I shouldn’t have just stood close to you, guessing but never actually talking.  Both of us should have looked for a path to move forward.”

Am looks over at her, an almost wistful look on her face.  “Why did you agree to the Stride Gate?”  She says quietly.

All Luna can remember is desperation and the longing for some sort of meaning within all her suffering.  “I think it was because I couldn’t figure out any other way to help you.  Remember, I kept messing up at rehearsals, I had to make it up to you somehow.”  Luna jokes, but her voice cracks when she says it.

“You were in love with me…” Am says quietly, “to the point where you were willing to die for the Stride Gate.  I heard from Tokoha.  Why were you so determined to die?”

Am’s hand twists, and her fingers entangle with Luna’s, and Luna feels a familiar lump for in her throat.

“I’ve had nothing for the last thirteen years of my life.  My parents barely paid attention to me, none of my classmates realized I existed, I wasn’t good at studying or sports or talking with people.  I just existed as an afterthought in other people’s minds.”  She says quietly, never breaking eye contact.  “But after meeting you, and becoming an idol in Rummy Labyrinth, all the sudden I had so much.  I had friends, fans, people that care about me, and a way of connecting with people.  It was honestly too good to be true, and then all this happened, and it just clicked in my mind that ‘Oh, of course.  This is the catch.’  And I was happy to go along with it if it meant you, the one who had given me so much, could be happy in the end.  I figured that it was time to give back for being given so much, and my life was a small price to pay in exchange for everyone else’s happiness.  It felt like the world was being pushed back into its natural order, where apples fall when you drop them and Yumizuki Luna isn’t happy for such a long period of time.”

“Oh Luna,” Am starts, and Luna wonders if Am is going to start crying.  “Luna, you’re such a good person.  You’re so caring, so hard working, so kind and patient in ways that I’m not.  I was too single-minded.”  Am whispers.   “I was too dazzled by the idea of the perfect future, to accept reality for what it was.  I should have paid more attention to the people around me.  I should have paid more attention to you.  I love you so much, Luna.”

Luna feels like light is flooding the hallway, like nothing else could exist in this moment other than the two of them here, and grips Am’s hand harder in desperate hopes that this is real.  Am reaches up with her other hand to clasp Luna’s with both of hers.

“It always felt like I was going to be crushed by how much I missed my parents, by how little I could ever accomplish.  But I’ve never been happier these last two months, just working by your side.  You gave me back a regular life that I thought I could never have.  You gave me time and patience and understanding, when I thought that no one ever would bother to.  You gave me hope that things could be better, because I wasn’t alone anymore.”  Am leans in until her forehead is resting against Luna’s, her eyes closed and lips close.  “So Luna, please don’t try and die by yourself when we all love you so much.”

Luna presses their hands close to her own chest.  She can still hear voices crying out inside her head about how this is fake, this would all end, how she didn’t deserve this.  But Am’s hands are real and warm, and Am’s tears are no lie.  “Let’s move forwards together from now on, Am.”

Am takes a shuddering breath, fingers tightening around Luna’s, but she smiles and pecks Luna on the cheek before pulling back and leaning against the glass window.  “Do you want to go in and say something?  I have a few calls to make.”

Luna looks on in confusion, but Am’s already busy on her phone, so she moves to the door.  She holds onto the handle, but looks back at Am for confirmation.  She nods back, then begins talking to someone on her phone.  So Luna walks into the hospital room.

It’s quiet and solemn in the room.  “Hello,” Luna says quietly to the two people lying motionless on the hospital beds.  “My name is Yumizuki Luna.  I’ve wanted to meet you two for a long time.”

The heart monitor on Am’s parents beep aimlessly in the background, breaking the silence.  She can hear the faint murmur of Am from outside the room still, and it comforts her.

"Your daughter is wonderful."  Luna says.  "She's smart, a hard worker, and the bravest and most caring person I know.  I've gotten to know her for the past few months, and I've loved every moment of it.  Am is such an amazing person.  I'm so grateful to the both of you, for giving me the opportunity to meet someone like her."

She stands motionless across from both beds, staring at the faces of the two unmoving adults, and despite the heavy atmosphere, it feels like a weight in her stomach is being lifted.  “I love Chouno Am.”  She continues.  “It’s been a complicated journey, but now I can finally say it confidently without shame.  I love many people in my life, and they love me as well.  Am is like that as well.  It’s thanks to your silent love that has kept her going this long.  And from now on, I won’t let that be the only thing.  I, and many others, will be there with her the entire time.”

Luna remembers Am clinging to her hand that one morning, still asleep but crying for her parents to return, to not leave.  Now that she’s standing before them, Luna can come to terms with how she isn’t able to do anything about Am’s parents.  But she is able to decide what she’s going to do from now on. 

“Meeting her was the best thing to ever happen to me.  I want to stay together with Am, for as long as this world will allow both of us to, and I will fight until the very end as long as it means I can come back to her.  And I’m sure you’re the same.”

There’s a knock at the door.  “Luna, we have to go to a meeting.”  Am calls out.

“Alright!” 

Luna looks back at the bed, and imagines that they’re both smiling.  She imagines they have Am’s smile.  All of them, smiling together as a family.  And Luna imagines that she’s beside them, smiling all the same.  “I look forwards to meeting both of you properly someday as well.”

She leaves a bouquet of red carnations by the bed stand, bows, and walks out of the hospital, holding hands with Am the entire way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my original plan had been to upload a chapter a week. That obviously didn't work out, mainly cause I get so distracted so easily. 
> 
> But I finished posting it all! I wish I could have went through this last chapter some more, but now that I've posted it feels great to have finished the story! I dunno when I'll get another fic out, even though I have ideas for a lot more. But this was fun!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this one!


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